How to Manifest a Snow Day (99.9% Efficacy)

Eman Abdurezak and Esther Fu

Is that a kid sledding down the strawberry-cup slathered stairs? Winter spirit must be stirring amongst students. It’s officially snow day season: when unexpected interruptions in the school year mean extended due dates, test cancellations, and sleeping through the crack of dawn. We’re providing you with seven strategies to manifest a snow day.

1. Put ice under your pillow and flush a spoon down the toilet

Let’s start off by putting a twist on the old-time classic. Who wants cold pipes when you can keep your pillow cool all night long? Flushing a spoon down your toilet is the most efficient way to clog it; the stench that pervades your house will invariably bring you all the luck to conjure up a snow day.

2. BYOS (Bring Your Own Snow)

Everyone loves DIY. Cover the school windows and administrators’ houses with snow; they ought to believe a huge snowstorm is brewing! Be sure to sprinkle flakes of snow on people’s heads the day before the desired snow day to send subliminal messages of snow and winter.

3. Hack Snow Day Calculator

CALLING ALL ASPINE AND COMPUTER SCIENCE CLUB MEMBERS! Only your tech-savvy fingers can code our way to the next snow day. Everyone knows that CPS makes the decision to call a snow day based on Simply change the probability of a snow day to 99.9% (minus 0.1% to prevent skepticism), and watch your club overflow with new members and adoring fans!

4. Time travel to the Ice Age

Since we all yearn so deeply for snow, we were clearly born in the wrong generation. Take a trip down memory lane, back before you possessed any memories. Back to a time when every day was a snow day. Pull a The Skin of Our Teeth and flashbacks of sitting in a classroom with open windows during the dead of winter will flood your mind.

5. Don’t do any of your assignments

You’ve let your assignments pile up once again, but it’s OK, because you’ve manifested having an extra day that you will still waste! A great sense of relief will wash over you when a snow day is finally announced at the latest possible moment, but you will already be prepared with your unpreparedness.

6. (And instead, binge-watch Frozen Sing-Alongs)

This is self-explanatory.

7. Hypnotize Dr. Greer

First, stop by a local joke shop and pick up a power pendulum. Then, head over to Interim Superintendent Victoria Greer’s place, and knock on the door (politely, of course). “Can I help yo—,” she’ll say, but your plan will already be in motion. Swing your pendulum back and forth, chanting, “You will give us a snow day.” She will prance into her home office and work her magic (well, your magic). Her inbox will already be open with a community announcement drafted and a video attached.

“These tips helped me to truly start taking the world by [snow] storm,” Teddy Holleran ’23 exclaimed to the Register Forum. Use these methods wisely, and may a robust storm come your way soon.