The Register Forum

Next Month’s Headlines

Alma Kent, Games and Humor Editor

March 29, 2020

“Boy Who’s ‘Only Playing Devil’s Advocate’ and ‘Doesn’t Actually Think This’ Offends Entire Class Once Again”   “Unmatched Genius: When Cornbread Runs Out, Media Caf Substitutes Vanilla Cake”   “Forlorn Freshman Gets Hypothermia Holding Main Door for Entire Student Body”   “Senior Boy Opens Book”   “As Crum...

Anonymous Advice with Alma

Alma Kent, Games and Humor Editor

March 5, 2020

Which cafeteria is better? —Freshman This, my friend, is a question that predates you and me: We all recall from Genesis 40:32 when Isaac asks unto Abraham, “Papa, where shall I feast, Maineth or Mediath?” I took the liberty of conducting an unbiased study in which I objectively recorded my experience at each eatery

Next Month’s Headlines

Alma Kent, Humor Editor

December 23, 2019

“Local Hero: Person You’re Walking With Informs You That ‘It’s So Cold!’” “Getting Greedy: Christian Family Has Chinese Food for Christmas Dinner, Appropriates Jewish Culture” “Congrats: Girl Informed of Her College Acceptance Through Friend’s Instagram Story” “Study Finds That Teachers Check Snowdaycalculator.Com 4 Times More Than Students” ...

Holiday Survival Checklist

Anais Killian, Contributing Writer

December 23, 2019

Hey, I get it, coming up with gift ideas is difficult! I’m sure that your younger cousin will be understanding if they end up with deodorant in their stocking. If your Invisalign goes missing, check to see if your grandparents are wearing the correct dentures. Save some money this holiday season! Buy a Canada Goose patch on Amazon (only $9.99), and Duct tape it...

Opposing Viewpoints, Key Issues

Joey Atallah and Conrad Fischl-Lanzoni

November 10, 2019

This piece also appears in our October 2019 print edition.

Next Month’s Headlines

Alma Kent, Games and Humor Editor

November 10, 2019

“Clash Over Who Loves Dr. Lam Most Lands 17 Senior Girls in Hospital”   “Study Finds that Average Rindge Student Spends 44% of Time Watching Teacher Trying to Get Projector Up and Running”   “All AP Classes Now Equipped with at Least One Pre-Pubescent Boy”   “Shocking: Whopping ⅛ of Student Body yet to Learn Electromagnetic ...

Anonymous Advice with Alma (and Uma): All the Questions Your Teachers Still Haven’t Answered

Alma Kent and Uma Edulbehram

October 3, 2019

“How should I learn to bike around Cambridge? Are there certain streets or guidelines to follow besides the obvious ones?” - Junior, Female Hey there! We totally feel you on this. We too are avid bikers and, sometimes, it can feel like we’re just not doing a good enough job, especially in a city like Cambridge, where bikes outnumber cars 4:1, according to the ...

Advice to the Class of 2023

Anais Killian and Abigail Price

October 3, 2019

Make sure to walk through the halls as slowly as possible, especially when going down the stairs; upperclassmen love this. Try challenging your friends to go naked to school! There’s no dress code, right?

Anonymous Advice with Alma (and Lucy…)

Anonymous Advice with Alma (and Lucy…)

June 4, 2019

My friend is so funny ... but she’s TOO quiet. I can never hear her I don’t like saying “what” all the time ... it’s so awkward! Lmk

Anonymous Advice with Alma (and Lucy): April Showers

Anonymous Advice with Alma (and Lucy): April Showers

May 1, 2019

Editor’s Note: This new advice column responds to real, anonymous student questions. The answers are satirical and should not be taken seriously.

Where Art Thine AirPods?

Cecilia Barron, Editor-in-Chief

February 10, 2019

On Christmas morn they run, down the stairs they go, Their gallops like reindeers, they quickly peered For objects as white as the winter snow So Kanye could be wirelessly hear’d.

Humorous Haikus

William Reed and Stella Engel-Werman

November 30, 2018

It is freezing out, This is a winter haiku, Toilet seat is cold

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