Not a week goes by without another set of quirky little revolutionaries taking to Instagram to start “the next big account.” On behalf of the portion of the Rindge student body that isn’t starving for attention and social validation, we boldly say that we do not want your uninspiring, unfunny, niche, half-baked-concept of an account to pollute our Instagram feeds any longer.

In our time as CRLS students, we’ve watched far too many accounts dedicated to gossip and D-tier memes rise to prominence, and invariably crumble to a pathetic heap of lost brain cells and wasted time. The most recent inductee to the Failed CRLS Instagram Account Hall Of Shame (FCRLSIGAHOS for short) is exemplarily illustrative of the typical IG lifecycle.

@crls.confess, the 2021 strain of anonymous gossip cesspool, rapidly shot to nearly 1,000 followers in just six days before being usurped (colloquially known as being “hacked”) by malicious actors who wreaked havoc and swiftly erased it from the platform (remember that? we don’t either). If you’re considering starting your own account, humble yourself; you are not exempt from Newton’s Third Law of Social Media Influence: what goes up must come down, including everyone’s enjoyment of shiny new IG pages. You too will fade.

We understand the need for sports teams and clubs to have IG pages dedicated to their communities. However, obscure inside jokes, hyper-niche memes, and senseless sleights on members of your group really need not be shared with the larger school community (looking at you, crew). If you have a smattering of inside jokes and memes that’s wonderful, really happy for you. Allow us to introduce you to a staggeringly useful alternative means for sharing that joy: a group chat! CRLS as a whole has no desire for the vain, vacuous, vexing virulence you spew across our feeds, drowning out all of the interesting content we seek to enjoy. Because of this, we, as well as many others, are left wondering : who asked?

While, in general, we are against the creation of new CRLS-branded accounts, there have been some rare gems that have touched the hearts of many, including ours. Recently, in a peer-reviewed audit conducted by a multi-partisan panel of credible judges, @registerforum was unanimously touted as CRLS’ most innovative, timely, and heartwarming content (sponsored).

As the school year goes on, we have little doubt the number of school-related accounts will continue to thoughtlessly inflate. Since we started writing this piece, three (3) new gossip accounts have appeared, desperately attempting to fill the attention vacuum left by the sudden collapse of @crls.confess.

If you find yourself among those considering starting such a page, we encourage you to take the time to ask: what utility would your content serve to anybody beyond those involved in its creation? There is honor in having the introspection necessary to arrive at the inevitable revelation that the rest of us don’t need to see it.

This piece also appears in our November 2021 print edition.