“Boy Who’s ‘Only Playing Devil’s Advocate’ and ‘Doesn’t Actually Think This’ Offends Entire Class Once Again”

“Unmatched Genius: When Cornbread Runs Out, Media Caf Substitutes Vanilla Cake”

“Forlorn Freshman Gets Hypothermia Holding Main Door for Entire Student Body”

“Senior Boy Opens Book”

“As Crumb Supply Mysteriously Vanishes, CRLS Rodents Forced to Order Postmates Thrice Daily”

“Student Has Now Seen Single Wall of Teacher’s Apartment Over Zoom, ‘Knows Too Much’”

“Breaking: New Report by CRLS Class of 2020 says CRLS Class of 2020 Is Group Most Affected by COVID-19″