Thoughts that were going through the Easter Bunny’s head when Trump announced his plan to totally destroy a sovereign nation on Easter Sunday: 

“Legally speaking, could this constitute animal cruelty?” 

“You can’t forget to meet your probation officer after this.” 

“This is what a degree in Linguistics gets you.” 

“You are one. You are one with the earth. Energy is flowing from the core of this marble we call home through your paws, up your haunches, and through your fluffy bunny rump. Earth propels you forth. This too shall pass.” 

“And to think that the day Jesus rose from the dead is also the day that the Easter Bunny committed suicide.” 

“Shocking as it may seem, this isn’t the worst experience I’ve had while wearing this costume.” 

“Was it all worth it, John? Was it worth it?” 

“Thank God I brought a pineapple in here with me.” 

“A part-time cheese-wheeler, a freelance Easter Bunny, and a full-time creative: this is why Dad left, isn’t it?” 

“Say, do these pants make my hips look big?”