1. Make sure to walk through the halls as slowly as possible, especially when going down the stairs; upperclassmen love this.
2. Try challenging your friends to go naked to school! There’s no dress code, right?
3. Giving out pencils is so kind! Definitely bring a few hundred for the rest of the school.
4. Whenever you see your friends in the halls, make sure to run up and give them a nice, long hug. It’s likely you will never see them again.
5. Wearing shorts and a tank top in zero-degree weather, with no jacket, is the new look. Totally fashionable.
6. Request to follow as many upperclassmen on Instagram as you can. Maybe they’ll follow back…
7. Send streaks at least ten times a day. After all, it is the only realistic way to make new friends.
8. Chant “Freshmen” at every single school event! Extra credit if you lose your voice the next day.

This piece also appears in our September 2019 print edition.