As I viewed best picture nominee Emilia Pérez, I thought to myself: ‘Wow. I have never seen anything quite like this before.’ I marveled at what it must take to gather together an entire cast, crew, board of writers, cinematographers, and professional artists, all headed by an experienced director, and somehow miraculously, against all odds, produce a movie so terrifyingly atrocious that it is almost dumbfounding.
Emilia Pérez is a ‘thriller’-musical about a Mexican drug lord who, with the help of a talented lawyer, wants to escape his life of crime and become a woman by faking his own death and undergoing gender-changing surgery. The music, acting, and dialogue are all terrible, but perhaps the film’s greatest feat is that despite its ridiculous set up, it still manages to be extremely boring. The fact that this monstrosity was nominated for best picture is not a reflection of the quality of the film, but more of a reflection of what a joke the Oscars have become.
The film begins in a busy, Mexican marketplace, with successful lawyer Rita Castro furiously typing on a small laptop as she prepares for her next case. As she breaks out into song, the entire street is quick to join her in bizarre, aggressive choreography that makes the scene all the more unpleasant to watch. This first musical number, ‘El Alegato,’ seemingly serves no purpose except that it shows the characters’ dedication, as well as her sub-par singing abilities. Like many in the movie, this song is strange, whispery, and incoherent, with hardly any lines rhyming and everything being delivered in a jarring manner. After we suffer through another ‘number,’ Rita is soon tricked and kidnapped by Mexican drug lord Juan Del Monte, where he confesses his predicament to her: all his life, he has wanted to become a woman, and he needs Rita’s help to escape from his perilous lifestyle, undergo surgery, and start anew. This bit is delivered through another ‘song,’ that is really just Juan and Rita having a mumbly, off-pitch conversation accompanied by dull instrumentals. Feeling sympathy for the drug lord, Rita reluctantly agrees to the challenge.
Not before long, Rita flies out to Thailand where Juan can get his gender-affirming surgery. The next song, ‘La Vaginoplastia,’ begins, and similarly to before, the lyrics are just normal dialogue delivered in a sing-song manner that sound like they could have been easily improvised. And, I kid you not, one of the doctor’s lines, delivered in a nasally, humourless tone, is: “From penis to vaginaaaaa.” The nasally, humourless delivery intensifies the awkwardness and at this point, you start to question whether the film is to be taken seriously. From this point on, I can tell you that neither the music, dialogue, or acting improves throughout the rest of the movie. Given the supposedly ‘genre-bending’ and ‘thrilling’ nature of the film, it’s surprising how much of it just drags on with seemingly nothing happening.
One very strange thing I noticed that sets it apart from virtually all other bad movies I’ve viewed is that not once in the movie did I feel any lingering attachment or sympathy for any of the characters—somehow, the way the dialogue and acting plays out makes you distinctly aware that you are watching a movie with actors, not characters, the entire time. If you want to watch this movie, do so as an experiment or as an investigation (for instance: why did critics actually like this film?), not as entertainment. Emilia Pérez is not entertainment. It is a waste of time and a disgrace to filmmaking. Save yourself the two hours and ten minutes and go do something productive.
