With the increase in grocery prices and growing sensitivity of the American diet, I—your favorite eco-friendly, lactose-intolerant-acknowledging, gluten-insensitivity-accommodating, activist and influencer, Kimberleigh-Leigh—am making my debut to provide easy recipes to get you(yes YOU) in shape before summer!
I first made these delicious no-bake brownies for my mother-in-law’s Christmas party a few years ago, and it’s been a hit ever since! Ever since her funeral, everyone’s been asking me, “Kimberleigh-Leigh, what’s the secret ingredient?” And I always respond, “There is none!” It simply is the perfect delicious recipe that’ll spice up any family gathering.
Ingredients:
- 1 ⅕ cups of ethically sourced and pasteurized camel milk
- 5 cups of free-range fermented horse manure
- Bottle of water, ideally Aquafina or Fiji
- 1 cubic foot chunk of wall from the Angkor Wat
Directions:
Start by warming your plastic bottle in water on medium-low over the stove. This is to help break down the plastics into microplastics, which will go straight into your BBL.
While that’s decomposing, combine your camel milk—I got mine from the Tibetan Plateau when I visited sixteen years ago because it stays fresh in the freezer—with the chunk of wall in a large metal bowl. I like to cover the mix with foil and put that in the microwave for anywhere from around 30 seconds to an hour (depending on your microwave’s wattage) just to help incorporate everything.
This next process is called “glorping,” and it’s when we let our base sun-dry for two days and then ferment for about six months. For these brownies, our base is free-range horse manure, which can be hard to measure. I personally pack the clumps into my 1.2L Stanley Cup after the fermentation process is completed. More detailed steps can be found on my website!
After mushing the chunk of wall into the ethically sourced camel milk, I like to pour that straight into the pot with our plastic bottle and set that aside to cool.
In a heavily greased baking tin—I personally use gasoline from my Hubby’s Jeep to get that rich, crispy texture, but whatever is accessible will work. Remember, this recipe is about convenience, so dump in the glorped horse manure with the wet mixture and let it rest uncovered overnight in a warm, dark, and moist environment. This process will allow the fungus spores to grow naturally for a deep exotic flavor.
After your 10-mile morning run, they’ll be ready! I like to host my land acknowledgement before slicing them into nine even squares, and serve on a compostable plate. But if you’re mute, or have trauma around land acknowledgements, feel free to skip that step. Happy Baking!
Rating : 1.3 stars
Comments:
“I mean this really got me in shape… it’s basically a laxative!” – @BarronTrumpxTroyeSivan015
“I started making these and I cured my bulimia. I don’t even have to force myself to throw up anymore—it does that on its own!” – @Sharoll-Lynn_Hughmphraeigh
“Reminds me of back-in-the-day when I had my own cooking show…” – @PaulaDeen
“My mother-in-law was knocked out by these! Seriously some killer brownies. Great work Kimberleigh-Leigh!” – @Joeleighenne_Sardeighnne
