Nowadays, you hear gossip wherever you go, whether on social media or the halls at school, and it’s hard to tell what’s true. That’s why I, the Register Forum’s most reliable gossip columnist, am here, to give you only the facts, both from around CRLS and around the nation. Here’s my three juiciest pieces of gossip from the last few weeks.
1.) Principal Gehant is getting shorter
That’s right, our very own principal Alan Gately-Gehant is slowly but surely shrinking. At the start of February, principal Gehant was measured at just under 6’0”, but by March 5th he was just 5’10”, and by the end of March the principal declined to have his height measured, an unprecedented move as former principal Smith submitted to a standard height check-in every two weeks. Why is Mr. Gehant shrinking, and what could he be hiding?
2.) Graduation to be cancelled?
Unfortunately for the class of 2025, it looks like they won’t be graduating this year. In a press conference on March 12th, CRLS senior class president Chanho Lee said “there’s so much going on this time of year, it just sort of slipped through the cracks, so we can’t issue diplomas.” When asked what this meant for the class of 2025’s futures, Chanho said “we’ll be starting again as freshmen next year.” Who is to blame for this oversight, and will college application fees be repaid?
3.) Obama divorce rumors continue
Moving on to national news, America’s favorite couple may be done for. Barack and Michelle Obama have apparently had a lot of strain on their relationship recently, and just last week, Barack was reportedly sleeping at his brother Malik’s house. Additionally, former first lady Michelle was seen sharing a sensual french onion soup with movie star Glen Powell. In an exclusive interview with the Register Forum last Thursday, the former president commented on the situation, saying “Let me be very clear, I love Michelle as much as I love the American people at large. But every relationship comes to its natural end.”
That’s all for this edition, Falcons, but make sure to keep your eyes and ears open, because there’s always gossip somewhere, you just have to know where to look.
