The Student Newspaper of Cambridge Rindge and Latin

The Register Forum
The Student Newspaper of Cambridge Rindge and Latin

The Register Forum
The Student Newspaper of Cambridge Rindge and Latin

The Register Forum

Next Month’s Headlines

Alaan Clarke, Games & Humor Editor
July 7, 2025

Student Government Plans Revere Beach for Senior Skip Day, Ten Students Stabbed in Advance.

Riots Break Out Amid Conspiracies of Spoon Game Corruption, Administrators Cry “What Are They Gonna Think When We Host Graduation in the Field House Again?”  

Donald Trump Announces a Plan to Pardon Himself, Ex-MAGA Enthusiasts Continue to Clip Their Toenails in Protest.

Reports of Blackface Finally Decline Nationwide in Sephoras Swarming with Tween Girls as Republican Makeup Trend Takes Over Social Media.

Egg Prices Increase by 458% as Famous YouTuber Mr. Beast Rents Entire Egg Industry to Film Three-Day Mystery Video.  

Boston Celtics Announce Rebrand to Boston Tatums Since No One Else Seems to Be Doing Anything.

Outbreaks of Norovirus Erupt Among Senior Class After “Everyone Lick the Toilet” Spoon Game Challenge.

Vice President J.D. Vance Apologizes for “Impulsive War Crime Thoughts” Leaked in Signal Group Chat, Admits He was Spending Too Much Time with His Couch. 

This piece also appears in our March 2025 print edition. 

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About the Contributor
Alaan Clarke
Alaan Clarke, Games and Humor Editor
Favorite children’s story/book Make Way for Ducklings! Ohh or a Trip to Panama
If you had an extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it? I’d want to put it to an extra hour of sleep or maybe do something creative. Realistically we both know it’s going to Mark Zuckerberg. What is the best part of a sandwich? The pint of ice cream that comes after.