Muggles, Romans, and Countryfolk lend us your wands. Has sweat ever tickled your brow while you barely completed the Fitness Gram Pacer test on Danehy field three? Have you ever been cut from a competitive sports team at Rindge and felt discouraged? Do you wish to receive incessant emails from Tom Arria addressing your failure to complete your concussion test?
Well, fly no further. Introducing the newest sport at CRLS: the Cambridge Rindge and Latin Quidditch Team! Register today and join a group of pasty wizards who read books about World War II in their spare time. Walk the mile no more and fulfill your gym credit alongside your fellow wizards.
Quidditch is a sport, nay, an art form. It was first made popular by the influential tyrant J.K Rowling in her now famous, nay, world-renowned book series Harry Potter, in which a youth with a dastardly scar discovers his wizardly abilities. These abilities include, but are not limited to: expecto patronum, avada kedavra, and stupefy.
But what, exactly, is used in Quidditch? Amongst other things, passion. Persistence. Self-determination. And most of all, co-ed behavioral training.
We would like to start by saying that we value and appreciate those who identify as Wizards and Witches (and magical individuals who do not identify with the binary). Our goal as leadership of the Quidditch Team is to foster an environment of inclusivity. Now, you may be wondering, who are these individuals who are spearheading the Quidditch Team?
Natania George ’25, founder of the team, said in an interview with the Register Forum, “Quidditch is like rugby if rugby was played fifteen feet off the ground and was a lot less dangerous.” When asked what inspired her to rally troops around a CRLS Quidditch Team, she responded, “This sport brings me right back to elementary gym. Everything was so low-stress and fun and covered in packing peanuts.”
“Anything for a P.E. credit,” said Olive Berotta ’25, another captain of the Quidditch Team. She shrugged dismissively, admitting that she had never been able to finish a single Harry Potter movie because “Voldemort looks like a less slippery version of Mu Deng the pygmy hippo.”
Margot Colvard ’26, co-founder of the Quidditch Team, commented in an interview: “I honestly don’t know anything about Harry Potter. Is that a stage name?”
George, Berotta, and Colvard are looking forward to three full seasons of laughter, friendship, and stealing mops from the custodians. (Colvard added, “off the record, but we’re really at a loss for funding. Do you think you can wait until next month to publish this?”)
So, do you need to train for the class you have next semester on the fifth floor? So do we. Let’s do it together.
This article also appears in our November 2024 print edition.
