That’s right, the article you’ve all been waiting for, right on the edges of your seats. It’s a question most people have wondered at some point, and the Register Forum is ready to answer it definitively. What does your favorite bottled water brand say about you? Well, let’s find out.
Poland Spring: This is most people’s answer, so you can take some comfort in the fact that you have company with this choice. You’re a little basic, but that’s ok! Think of Poland Spring as the “Live, laugh, love” of bottled water. Not bad by any means, but you could get a little more creative.
Fiji: You probably think you’re giving a unique or niche answer when you say Fiji, but according to a survey of over 100 people taken by the Register Forum, it’s actually the general public’s second favorite water, after the aforementioned Poland Spring. You still picked a good water, though, even if it’s a little pretentious. You probably like Adrianne Lenker and there’s a good chance you call movies “films”.
Polar: This one isn’t usually at the top of people’s minds, only five of the people surveyed answered with Polar, but it’s a good pick nonetheless. Aside from being a local company (based in Worcester), Polar has a wide variety of beverages other than water. You like to think things through, but you probably don’t like your routines to change. It’s not unlikely you watch a relatively obscure sport like curling or polo.
Smartwater: People will criticize you, they’ll say you only pick this water to be different, but deep inside, you just like the taste. Smartwater also comes in a larger bottle, helping you stay hydrated throughout the day. You probably try to avoid conflict in life, but you also don’t like to lose.
Kirkland Signature: You probably have a good sense of humor, even if you don’t always show it off. You also probably listen to classical music and there’s a good chance you’re under 5 foot 1.
Tap water: Forget what was said about the Fiji people, these are the real pretentious ones among us. Yes, go ahead, sit upon your high, high throne atop your even higher horse and laugh down at us mere civilians, who dare to put our mouths to a plastic bottle! Perhaps we forgot a water bottle today, is that a reason to gloat? We think not, and we shall rebel! So go on, sip from your Hydroflask or god forbid your Stanley cup, because you may not have many sips left! Oh, and you say you’re saving the environment? Mayhaps we who drink bottled water use the bottle we bought from CVS multiple times! Did you not think of that? Shame! Shame! Shame!
Dasani: You probably ate straight salt when you were younger to impress people. There are no wrong choices when it comes to bottled water, but you’ve certainly tried your best to find one.
