The Department of Undeniable Righteousness has seen to it that the Editor in Chief of the Register Forum, Stephen Gwon has been ousted for his crimes against humanity. Multiple trustworthy, though anonymous sources provided essential evidence against Mr. Gwon. These sources reported to the Register Forum but were silenced by Mr. Gwon himself. When asked about this story, Mr. Gwon ‘24 told the Department of Undeniable Righteousness, “I control this paper. I control what is on the front page! You cannot stop me!” The sources provided the Department of Undeniable Righteousness with indisputable evidence that Mr. Gwon had been committing war crimes during the wars of 2019-2024 (videos of him desecrating enemies on CSGO are available on your local algorithm.) Numerous witnesses have described seeing Mr. Gwon with a book that “must have weighed more than twenty pounds” with the name “Henry Kissinger” plastered across the front cover. When asked about this Mr. Gwon ‘24 told the Department of Undeniable Righteousness, “He was a nice guy, he only wanted to help the foreigners get what he wanted.”
It has been observed that Mr. Gwon has a charming presence when he is leading meetings for the Register Forum and has created a welcoming community at his age-old club. But this does not hide the fact that he has committed heinous crimes against the human race! Though he must leave after this year no matter what, this is a ruse! He is using “term limits” as a shield against the consequences of his actions! Another witness to his crimes ‘25 told the Department of Undeniable Righteousness, “He would call me at ungodly hours of the night, as if he knew I was awake. I never answered those calls. I feel his presence outside my window, it keeps me up at night. He doesn’t text either, even after he calls me the third time. He just goes to the next number on his contact list. I heard my sister’s phone ring after he stopped calling me.” Another witness ‘24 told the Department of Undeniable Righteousness, “He scares me, I always see him walking through the halls, but if he tries something, I can hear him yelling from a mile away.”
The real question is: what really goes on behind those white corded earbuds of Stephen Gwon? One unlucky witness from Mr. Gwon’s AP Chemistry class ‘26 (“He’s already taken this class, I have no idea why he was in there, ” – The Source ‘26.) told the Undeniable Righteousness, “lots of growling. Sometimes a bear growling, sometimes a dog growling. If there is no growling, it’s aggressive barking. Then there was a sharp burst of gunfire Pure AMERICAN Freedom and the sound came to an abrupt stop as he caught me staring. I have never run out of a classroom so fast in my life.” Some say a future genius is behind those corded headphones. I say he has committed the unredeemable crimes described and should be punished. That is why we have ousted the Register Forum’s Editor in Chief Stephen Gwon from his office. Oh yeah, he is also racist. Confirmed.
