While you may feel removed from Thanksgiving, the 2022 Turkey Toss was one for the ages. Every year on the Wednesday morning before Thanksgiving, the radio station Kiss 108 hosts the Turkey Toss, where Boston-area high school football players compete to throw and catch a frozen turkey from the farthest distance. While Cambridge did not participate, hopefully, this article will motivate them to join next year! Here are some highlights from the big-bird hurling event. 

The festivities began with a silent cameo from the defending champion Everett Crimson Tide’s marching band, who reportedly arrived late off the bus and were not told what to play.

Confident Peabody High, equipped with a world-class turkey-tossing coach, a mascot, and jubilant fans, wanted no part in the pre-toss introductions. But once they corralled the Tanners’ receiver Will Pinto, he proclaimed, “Just know we came prepared.” He may have talked the talk, but he did not catch the bird. Despite a solid throw from Peabody footballer Fernando Lima, the frozen fowl slipped right through Pinto’s grasp, prompting a cascade of boos from the expectant crowd. Said host Billy Costa, “It’s probably good you’re going into a holiday break because I don’t think you want to walk around on campus.”

The Patriots from Revere High set the first real length to beat, with Jason Shosho releasing a wonder of a throw after three pumps, and a textbook catch from Sami Elasri, who landed with a backward somersault. 

Despite the Salem duo responding “no comment” to whether tosser Alex Rodriguez used PEDs to enhance his tossing, the Witches came up well short of the line to beat in their attempt to enter turkey tossing lore.

Next, the ill-prepared Swampscott Big Blue scholar Ramy Choukri did not utilize whatever power he contained in his lower body, instead swinging his arms wildly and uncorking a throw that, frankly, any JV quarterback could muster. 

The Hawks of Waltham, whose approach was to let the flying bird speak for itself, instead literally and figuratively dropped the ball in front of a multitude of rowdy Walthamians. “You know what they call that? Total humiliation,” was the reaction from Costa, as the confident Hawks were handed a crushing defeat.

Given the size of the crowd and Arlington’s prestigious turkey-tossing history, the Spy Ponders’ atrocious appearance was particularly flabbergasting. One can’t help but wonder if the pressure got to the tosser’s head, as the angle of release was well below the suggested 45 degrees.

Finally, two-time defending champion Everett High School stepped onto the worn grass at Assembly Row, just needing to catch the turkey past Revere’s line to be crowned champion. 

After the big bird elegantly sliced through the air and into the receiver’s grasp, the raucous crowd stormed the patch of grass, celebrating the third consecutive victory for the dynasty that is Everett High. 

But wait! After a lengthy review under a coincidentally blue tent, it was determined that the throw may or may not have crossed Revere’s mark, with officials instituting the first-ever “Toss-Off” in Turkey Toss history.

Despite Revere proclaiming, “We already won, but I guess we’ll beat ‘em twice,” their throw came up well short, opening the door for Everett to take home their third consecutive Turkey Toss championship. And with another flawless completion, the crowd erupted in jubilation—again.