Next Month’s Headlines

Meiya Weeks and Lily Grodzins

1. Disney Showcases Black Mermaid, Fans Fear Black President is Next 

2. A Crystal Flute? You Mean a Hookah? and Other Tapes Released from the Library of Congress.

3. Internet Shocked to Discover White Suburban Men Also Cheat on Their Wives 

4. Hurricane Ian’s Intensity Blows All Prior Hurricanes Out of the Water

5. “Biden’s Effort to Hold Bipartisan Meeting with Governor Desantis is Truly Commendable,” Reports Hurricane Survivor Who Lost Their House, Mother, Dog, and Children

6. Scream Speaks Out: “My Mask is NOT Your Halloween Costume!”

7. Kitchen Staff Overjoyed to Chaperone Homecoming; “We’re Always Telling People Not to Touch Things Anyway”

This piece also appears in our October 2022 print edition.