Score: A Hockey Musical Remains in the Memories of Viewers—for All the Wrong Reasons
1.5/5 Falcons
November 10, 2022
Earlier this year, I wanted to ramp up my movie-watching game by scouring the internet for some early-century classics. Well, not necessarily classics, but films that would bring back the nostalgia of life from the 2010s. Through my search, I came across a 2010 family movie titled Score: A Hockey Musical that was absolutely ridden with negative reviews. I’m not normally one to waste their time watching badly-rated movies, but something was special about Score. To this day, I’m still not sure whether it was the poster design that looked like it had been made in Canva by a bored 10-year-old, their decision to cast a twenty-something-year-old to play a 17-year-old, or the fact that someone had actually decided to make a musical about hockey, but nonetheless, something about this movie lured me in. Plus, the entire flick—in all its one-hour-and-38-minute glory—was free to watch on YouTube (for a good reason, as I would soon find out). So, I took my chances, sat down with a few friends, and gave this movie a shot. Pun intended.
The movie takes place in Toronto, Canada, and revolves around our protagonist, 17-year-old Farley Gordon (Noah Reid). Farley is an extremely talented hockey player, but due to being homeschooled and sheltered by his parents his entire life, he has no experience playing on a real team. During a small game on a frozen pond with a couple other boys in the neighborhood, his skills are deemed impressive enough to earn him the nickname “the next Sidney Crosby.” This film was unique in the sense that it was one of those so-bad-it’s-good movies, to the point where I sometimes found myself wondering if some scenes were ironically supposed to be bad.
Soon, Farley gets recruited by a man named Coach Donker to play for the Blades, the local hockey team. Farley initially has difficulty transitioning to this environment and cannot seem to fit in with the rest of the players. His refusal to get violent while playing the sport also sets him up as a target for bullying from the other players, especially Moose, a burly and aggressive player described as a “brick wall.” On top of that, Farley is disheartened when his lifelong best friend and crush, Eve, begins spending more time with another guy named Marco, ultimately leading to a fight between the two. To make matters even worse, Farley’s parents disapprove of his involvement in hockey despite his passion for the sport. However, after a series of strange and unexpected events, plot holes, overused clichés, and very bad songs, Farley ultimately gains acceptance from the rest of the Blades, makes up with Eve, and earns the support of his parents. Everyone celebrates at the end by singing and dancing to a song called “Hockey, the Greatest Game In the Land” (I think you can guess how good that was).
Speaking from an unironic perspective, the critics weren’t wrong when they said this movie was awful. Score: A Hockey Musical has got to be one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, and I don’t throw that kind of judgment around lightly. Everything—from the cinematography to the acting to the singing—was of poor quality, and it was quite difficult to follow the story or feel an attachment to any of the characters. It was also ridiculous how many dang songs were in this movie. I get that this is supposed to be a musical, but the insertion of a song every three minutes felt more than unnecessary and took away from the plot. That is, if you would even consider this weak storyline a plot. However, this film was unique in the sense that it was one of those so-bad-it’s-good movies, to the point where I sometimes found myself wondering if some scenes were ironically supposed to be bad. As a self-proclaimed revered film critic, though, I’m gonna be honest: they were pretty bad.
Before any hardcore Score stans come at me with pitchforks, I’ll be generous and add half of a Falcon for presumed effort. I say “presumed” because I genuinely can’t tell whether this mess of a movie actually attempted to be good or had no thought put into it whatsoever. In any case, I think this was a somewhat entertaining use of my free time—even if it definitely missed the goal. Pun intended again.
