Ode to Aspine

Brian Liu and Julia Shaw

Dear Aspine,

You saved me. I was in a dark place before I found you, but ever since I discovered your existence, I’ve seen the (computer) light in a way that I never could have dreamed of. Can you believe I used to use Aspen to check my grades? I had to put up with the clashing colors, lack of dark mode, and weird calendar before I knew you. All those years of looking at that terrible user interface and uneditable grades nearly fried my brain permanently, but ultimately it’s what pushed us together. You changed my life, Aspine, and for that I’m grateful. Grateful especially for Tavi Pollard, because I’d never have known about you if not for their incessant advertising during world jazz.

You are truly perfect, Aspine.”

I love how you let me predict my grades, and see when class will be over with your gorgeous clock hosted in the top left corner. However, my personal favorite application is the ability to fix my grades. Whenever I come out from a particularly hard Computer Science test, I don’t have to fear losing my place in the hierarchy of the class, or having next month’s rations reduced by my parents. Instead, I just plug in the 100% that I would have gotten if my dog hadn’t eaten my coding assignment, restoring universal balance and covering up my own shortcomings. Thanks, Aspine!
You are truly perfect, Aspine. I mean it, snuggle bunny. I love everything about you, from your color-coded grades to the way you calculate my weighted GPA. And, okay, don’t be mad, but I also have some suggestions for improving you. I was wondering if there was, by chance, a club that meets after school on most Tuesdays in Dr. Wu’s room (1311b) where I could contribute to the website, even though I don’t have prior programming experience? Maybe I could learn to code? Or perhaps help with graphic design or fundraising? If only such a club existed.

Te amaré por siempre,
Un admirador secreto

This piece also appears in our October 2022 print edition.