Now that the school year has officially started, we’re all wondering the same thing: “When does it end?” From star athletes to math-club enjoyers to those who take thirty-minute bathroom breaks to order Starbucks, none of us can wait for this whole ordeal to be over. So, considering myself a boon companion to all my readers, I have tried to ease the burden of the next school year by getting advice from people who had the bangingest time in high school—Harvard students. Most of my fellow humor-writers in the Register Forum will make up interviews, but not I. I actually journeyed around Harvard campus with nothing but Voice Memos and a dream, and I am here now to pass the fruits of my labors onto you.

I approach three young men outside the science center.

Me: Excuse me, do you have time for a quick interview for my school newspaper?

Harvard Student 1: How short is quick?

Me: About three inches.

Harvard Student 1: Counting on his fingers. Okay.

Me: So I’m going to ask all of you: what is some advice you have for high schoolers or younger people? It can be bad advice.

Harvard Student 2: I don’t know, I’m so far removed from high school.

Me: Oh are you guys in college? Grad school?

Harvard Student 3: We are uhhh juniors … in college. Yeah, juniors in college.

Harvard Student 1: Second semester!

Me: Okay great. So what is your advice?

Harvard Student 2: Okay, here’s my advice: focus more on having fun.

Me: Did you focus on having fun in high school?

Harvard Student 2: … Yeah, I did.

Me: Okay, anyone else?

Harvard Student 3: I was gonna say, prioritize the people in your lives. We focus too much on ourselves and our own goals, and we don’t care enough about our friends and family.

Me: Shut up. Addressing student 1. What’s that say on your shirt?

Harvard Student 1: It says M-22.

Me: That’s great. Does it mean anything?

Harvard Student 1: It’s a highway in Michigan.

Me: Are you from Michigan?

Harvard Student 1: No.

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This piece also appears in our September 2022 print edition.