Welcome one and all to our gracious home: the halls of Cambridge Rindge and Latin! For the doe-eyed freshman navigating the ever confusing maze of classrooms and those learning the perils of lunch B is a huge new step; but for the returning students, especially the weathered seniors, this fall is something new and different. This fall is college application season. As the class of ’23 tries to work in time to retake the SAT while also passing their classes, the college essays can fall to the side. It’s long and daunting, and one doesn’t know where to begin! Lucky for them, I’ve curated a list of essay topics that will be sure to get you into the state school or Ivy of your choice!

1. Give backstory to why you want to study a specific field. Regale with extensive detail your humble beginnings in economics after you decided to start buying Starbucks and Darwin’s for lunch everyday. The intricacies of budgeting and planning your orders truly taught you the value of the dollar.

2. Remember all those childhood pets? Weave together a teary-eyed tale about responsibility and growing up. Talk about how flushing goldfish after goldfish down the drain truly made you mature as you learned of the cycle of life and death.

3. We’ve all had a curious incident in the school’s bathrooms—one that had us returning to class with a puzzled look as we relayed the story to our peers, who just laughed and rolled their eyes. Well, now is your time to relay the story in a more productive manner! Give detail to the scene: make sure the admissions officers understand the stench, which comes from a beautiful mixture of stale pee and the newest raspberry-lemonade flavored Juul.

4. Explain the rise and subsequent fall of the infamous Instagram account @crls.confess, diving deep into social media’s effect on bringing a high school population together. Make sure to use accurate Gen Z slang and leave the admissions office with a well-rounded perspective of today’s slaying and thriving youth.

5. Your tweenage obsession with Harry Potter is long gone but never forgotten. Make sure everyone else knows it too, though introducing yourself with name, pronouns, and the fact that you’re a Slytherclaw might’ve given that away.

6. Prove that you are a serious adult. We’ve all had to step up to the plate when our mom left us alone in the grocery store checkout line. This has taught you how to handle yourself in crisis.

7. Having Lunch B last year was not an easy task, climbing up and down the stairs from your fifth-floor classroom in order to eat with your friend. Nevertheless, you were able to overcome that obstacle and are stronger for it. Your story is a testament to human resilience.

8. Remember to check in with your guidance counselor after you’ve written your essay. They may claim to be busy with underclassmen, but we all know it’s your turn to take center stage. Or for a fun group hang, you can make it a boys’ night in of games, snacks, and peer-editing.

This article also appeared in the September 2022 print edition.