How to Increase Your Quirkiness By Listening to ‘90s Rap

Brian Liu, Contributing Writer

You’re looking for something different. You had your Playboi Carti obsession back when Die Lit came out. You had that one year we don’t talk about where you only listened to Juice WRLD. It’s time to migrate to the next sensible subgenre of rap—’90s rap. You’ve heard countless old heads talk about how rap hasn’t been the same since the ’90s. You want to find out what it’s about.

Your quirkiness decreases when people can comprehend you.

After blowing a weekend listening to nothing but certified ’90s classics, you begin life anew as a rap fiend.You no longer say “Hello, how are you?”, You now say, “Yo, what up dun? Word up, word up, no doubt.”

You’ve taken the liberty of misusing Wu-Tang slang. You’re allowed to do that—you’ve decided. No one’s going to be able to decipher your speech either way, and that’s exactly the point. Rap was meant to be up for interpretation. That’s why you also post ambiguous rap lyrics on all of your social media profiles. Who cares if you don’t know what they mean? Someone might.

But make sure to gatekeep your cool new treasure. Every time you bring up the music you listen to (which is quite often, you’re finding), tell other people that they’re probably not smart enough to understand it. Your quirkiness decreases when people can comprehend you.

The degree of your intellectual elevation above your peers grows close to unimaginable. Most notably, you were ostracized from your childhood friend group when they found your online rant about Dua Lipa. You gave her a biting critique in which you denounced her as “not lyrically sufficient.”

Life as the only enlightened human on the planet isn’t easy, but you’ll pull through. Just keep on pressing on.

This piece also appeared in our May 2022 print edition.