The Clock is Ticking, and the Time is Now

Eman Abdurezak and Dania Rustom

April showers bring May flowers, and May flowers are used for June promposals (?) With prom around the corner, the question is no longer “if?,” but “how?”

Tensions are high as hopeless romantics wait for that person to swoop in, lovers impatiently expect their significant others to step up, and others wait for the right time to embarrass their friends. There are a few ways to make prom unforgettable. Whether that be renting a bedazzled limo or testing out the craziest moves on the dance floor, everyone wants to make the night their own. However, the best part of any prom experience is the long-awaited promposal. With pressure from peers and lovers to have a unique and exciting promposal, we have compiled a list of options that will surely turn some heads, and won’t turn your prom into a “MORP” (iykyk):

1. Change the school bell 

The three beeps between every class never fail to make students jump out of their seats. Although somewhat subtle, the loud bells always attract necessary attention from students and teachers alike. We advise convincing (or coercing) Principal Smith to reserve one full day where the sultry sound of your own voice replaces those monotonous bells with a message dedicated to that special someone! There are many ways to go about this, but our recommendation is to ask: “[insert name here]? Prom? [your name]!”; one word for each beep, of course.

2. Hack into the receiver’s Instagram and change their feed

People are on Instagram every day looking at the usual things: obscure CRLS accounts, influencers, birthday posts, and college commitments. Boring! The format of these posts somehow attract the masses, but people rarely admit that they want something new.

Our solution to this societal issue and promposal dilemma is to: Hack into that person’s Instagram and alter their feed so that it only consists of promposal videos and pictures of yourself—hopefully, they’ll get the message and prompose to you instead!

3. Text

*Rolls eyes*

4. Buy a time machine

A classic method seen on TV is to show your true desires through music. Go back in time, kidnap an a cappella group on Valentines Day, take them back to the present day, stick them in front of that person, and force them to sing. Mission unsuccessful? Sing to the person yourself! It’s bold, and truly timeless.

5. Sandra Stone and Lynn Williams

Students have become immune to the survey emails sent by Sandra Stone and Lynn Williams. Because of them, AP Stats students have gotten to complete thousands of projects about an array of topics that you shouldn’t ask us to list. Even though most students have started ignoring these desperate pleas for data, they continue to read the sporadic messages daily. To take advantage of this, the best and final way to prompose is to ask Ms. Stone and Ms. Williams to send mass joint emails, cc-ing the target, asking them to prom.

6. Prompose through the newspaper!

Here, we’ll make it easier for you: _____________, will you go to prom with me?

Take these recommendations as loosely or as strictly as desired, and go ask that person! For additional suggestions, watch the massively underappreciated movie Prom (2011) on Disney+. Good luck, and happy promposing!

This piece also appears in our May 2022 print edition.