CollegeBoard Psyched To Offer Dope New AP Classes

Meiya Weeks, Contributing Writer

CollegeBoard is under new administration for the 2022-23 school year! Y’all have been saying you want representation, diversity, and a course selection that keeps up with the times; well don’t fret, we’ve listened! A recently hired crew of young interns has put together a fresh and funky introduction to next year’s changes.

First and foremost, we’re hyped to offer AP Driving For Women. Want to drive to class but cursed with the plight of being a woman? Learn to honk as good as any man in AP Driving For Women.

We’re also jazzed to announce a new line of AP classes for different regions of the nation.

For down South, we got AP American Fajitas. Do you like eating Mexican food but also support the big beautiful border wall? Learn to make fajitas the way the founding fathers would’ve wanted: pronounced fa-GEE-tas and covered in trickle-down hot sauce, all in our new course AP American Fajitas.

Out West, we’ve got AP Full-Coverage Flip Flops. Want to surf while avoiding the gazes of your fellow youthful liberals with new-fangled kinks? Learn to make full-coverage flip flops in AP Full-Coverage Flip Flops. They’re just Crocs with the holes filled in.

Most importantly, after years of trial-and-error, we’re stoked to announce that we’ve perfected the curriculum for our newest class—AP US Healthcare. You’re almost done chilling with friends in high school: what comes next? Vetting out quality medical providers to care for yourself and your future family.

We’ll start out by covering the basics: you’ll learn to identify an ambulance when its flashy lights aren’t on, select and apply a realistic mustache to pick up opioids under the age of 18, and clear up AIDS with common household products.

Student focus group results have come back extraordinarily positive: “After the first day of class, I learned that my mother had been taking me to her dealer’s lab for doctor’s appointments as a kid. I get why my medical reports listed my blood type as ‘red,’ my temperature as ‘lukewarm,’ and my heart rate as ‘6/10.’”

This piece also appears in our April 2022 print edition.