Next Month’s Headlines

Meiya Weeks and Laila Clarke
April 9, 2022

  1. “Amazon Rainforest Stops Burning Out Of Respect for Ukraine Situation”

  2. “‘Mom, It’s a Sports Drink! It’s Called Fireball Because You’ll Annihilate The Competition!’”

  3. “Following Conclusion of Women’s History Month, Starbucks Replaces Woman on Logo With a Man”

  4. “Man Receives First Pig Heart Transplant; ‘Oh Really! I Thought They Used a Snake’s,’ Responds Wife”

  5. “‘The Orange Hair Sort of Gets Me Going.,’ AP Releases Shocking Tapes From Pelosi’s Office”

  6. “‘I Mean Sure, He’s Naked, But Look At How Straight He Is,’ Remarks Governor DeSantis on the Oscar Award Trophy”

This piece also appears in our March 2022 print edition.