5 Tips for A Perfect College Essay

Elise Economou, Contributing Writer

Many juniors stress out when trying to write an amazing college essay that will wow any admissions officer. You may wonder, “What am I supposed to write about?” “What if I don’t complete the requirements?” and “Can my essay really be that unique if me and three other friends are all writing about struggling during COVID?” Well, as a Certified College Composition Consultant™ (I already wrote my college essay), I decided to benevolently help anyone who needs it. Without further ado, here are five valuable tips for an outstanding college essay: 

#1 – Exploit Tragedy!

Admissions officers just looooove it when you talk about overcoming adversity. It’s important for a college to know your deepest traumas. Your dog died? You broke your leg in 8th grade? You had to walk to school when it was raining? You forgot your AirPods? What great material for a college essay! Telling your sad, sad story is key to that acceptance letter. 

#2 – Lying is OK!

Is your English teacher really pushing the narrative agenda, but you can’t think of A Time In Your Life When You Challenged a Belief or Idea? Make one up! If you can’t flex that narrative muscle, flex that creative muscle! How about… you stopped an evil politician from tearing down a school. Bam! Great essay right there! Just make it believable; don’t pull a “And then everyone clapped…”

#3 – Consult that Thesaurus! 

As anyone taking the SAT knows, words are important and can make you sound smart. So run on over to thesaurus.com (#notsponsored) and glamorize that essay! He said this? How boring. What about “He expressed this”? You knew something? You cognized it, actually. The admissions bureaucrat scrutinizing your treatise will be electrified by your verbose opus. This is also a spectacular way to meet the word restriction while appearing knowledgeable. 

#4 – Make Yourself Stand Out!

Admissions officers are sitting here reading tons of essays per day, so it’s very important to make yourself known. Throw a few one-liners in there. Maybe add a couple italicized words in your essay. How about an interesting title? A fun quote? What if you write the entire thing in caps? Or a fun font like Comic Sans? You’ll be so noticeable, they’ll have no choice but to remember you!

#5 – Have Fun! 

The most important thing is to always have fun. Just relax! A college essay is not that serious and doesn’t affect your future, so it’s OK to enjoy the writing process. I put fun music on while writing, like my “Music to cry to” or “RAVE MVSIK” playlists, which helps me get into the right headspace. 

These tips will surely help you get into your top choice, Ivy League, accredited, postsecondary institution. And if you don’t, don’t come crying back to me: I’m just the messenger. Good luck and good writing!