Anonymous Advice with Alma (and Uma): All the Questions Your Teachers Still Haven’t Answered

Alma Kent and Uma Edulbehram

“How should I learn to bike around Cambridge? Are there certain streets or guidelines to follow besides the obvious ones?”

– Junior, Female

Hey there! We totally feel you on this. We too are avid bikers and, sometimes, it can feel like we’re just not doing a good enough job, especially in a city like Cambridge, where bikes outnumber cars 4:1, according to the 2020 census. Considering the overwhelming presence of bike culture in our school’s social hierarchy, here are some tips and tricks that are sure to get you one step closer to CRLS’s elite bike community:

  1. Always keep a variety of biking paraphernalia in your messenger bag. This includes but is not limited to: neon ankle strips, neon vests, neon pants, lights, mirrors, reflectors, an Allen wrench, a screwdriver, nuts and bolts, paint for touch ups, a tire pump, and a spare tire.
  2. Work on your form on the stationary bikes provided by the War Memorial facilities.
  3. Never be seen on a treadmill. It suggests that you see running as a superior mode of transportation to biking. All clout lost.


“Can the school use the school garden to grow [vegetables] to distribute for free to the students?”

(this question has been modified to be appropriate for school-wide publication) 

– Sophomore, Male


I think the question you should be asking is “can the school use it’s garden to grow anything,” the answer to which is no. The CRLS garden consists of merely a strip of dirt in the main cafeteria. Actually. 


“What suggestions do you have for getting first honors?”

– Sophomore, Male


I would get all A’s, but then again that’s just me.


“When and where can we get a locker?”

– Freshman, Female


They’re all over the school… sorry am I missing something?


“How do you tell someone you like [them] but like without making it weird”

– Sophomore, Male

Hey! I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been here. After talking with many people about how they’ve dealt with this awkward in-between phase, we’ve concluded that are two methods you need to know. One of the following will always get the job done. Cheers! 

  1. Confess your love in any ordinary way (letter sent by carrier pigeon, schoolwide email, poke on Facebook, etc.) Then proceed to explain to the person that if they don’t like you back, things will be weird between you. This way, they will be forced to like you back.
  2. Confess your love in a loud environment, preferably a heavy metal concert (Iron Maiden works best). This way, your crush won’t hear you—or at the very least can pretend that they don’t—ensuring your relationship remains completely un-weird.


This piece also appears in our September 2019 print edition.