Seltzer is one of the worst, if not the worst, drink ever created. Even when you disregard its repulsive taste, seltzer serves absolutely no purpose. When you think of water, you think of something that you can chug, perhaps after a workout or a long day. Regardless of race or creed, everyone can agree on the satisfying simplicity of a glass of water. On the other hand, soda can be categorized as a treat or a reward. Picture this: you go out to a restaurant, your server asks you what you’d like to drink, and you think to yourself, “You know what, I’ll have a soda.” It’s a sweet, bubbly complement to one’s meal or leisure time. Its bubbles, however, make it unpleasant to chug.
This brings me to my problem with seltzer: why ruin a perfectly good glass of water by adding bubbles? Why not go the whole nine yards and get a soda? Seltzer may be healthier than soda, but you know what’s healthier than both? Water.
Now, before anyone claims that I have not given seltzer a chance, allow me to publicly say that I have. I have encountered several situations where my only beverage choice was seltzer, and I’ve tried my hardest to enjoy its god-awful taste. I even purchased a bottle of seltzer once after having this very argument with a friend, and it ended up being one of the biggest wastes of a dollar (and change) in my entire life. If you are a closeted seltzer hater, I encourage you to speak out and tell your seltzer-buying friends to stop wasting their money.